I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
