Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
