I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I understand Curling. That high.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
