I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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