ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
