he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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