apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
