my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
