guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
