I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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