Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
