All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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