i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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