Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
