you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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