i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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