pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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