I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
