i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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