she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
