There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My penis needs a shock collar
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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