Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
