I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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