if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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