Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
