I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
