the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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