Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
