Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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