No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
