the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
from now on my penis is your penis
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
