It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
