What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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