There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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