I got chris browned last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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