He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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