I'm eating all of the evidence.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
