ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
how drunk are you?
Several
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
