can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
