i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
