tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
did you just send me my own nude
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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