My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
