There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
