i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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