my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
