those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
