Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
