i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
