I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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