chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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