I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
