This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
