Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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