Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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