Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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