he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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