Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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