And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
