We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
