if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
