so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
