Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
