I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
