what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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