I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
