my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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