You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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