Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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