i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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