ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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