Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
