I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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