i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
